How I met my wife
Follow Michael Bungay Stanier/@boxofcrayons on Twitter
17 years ago today, my wife and I went on our first date together.
As it so happens, I’m writing this on a train on the way to Oxford, the city in which we met – which makes this day of celebration just a little bit sweeter.
On the one hand, our story is just another one of two people meeting and falling quickly in love.
On the other – I still marvel at the many moments where things went a certain way – and which created the path to our meeting.
My Dad lived in Oxford and went to Oxford University.
I think my Dad is a brilliant and lovely man, and decided early on that I should go to Oxford University too
I told a teacher, Mr Lennox, about that plan when I was 14.
He mentioned that the only way I’d get to Oxford was by winning a Rhodes Scholarship.
I decided to win a Rhodes Scholarship.
In my third year at the Australian National University, I applied to win a Rhodes Scholarship.
I failed utterly, failing even to be asked to the initial interview which, apparently, “everyone gets invited to.”
I spent 2 years licking my wounds.
In my fifth year I reapplied.
In the final interview, the opening question was “You’ve done a degree in English and a degree in Law. Now you’re applying to do a degree in Economics. Can’t you make up your mind?” I answers, “Well…. Yes. And No.” Everyone laughed.
While not smart enough to have deliberately made that joke, I was at least smart enough to realized it was in fact funny, laughed too, relaxed, and had a great interview – and won the Scholarship.
I knew one other person going to Oxford – my mate Dani, also a Rhodes Scholar. He ended up at Merton College.
I hung around Merton College, and got invited to a Halloween Party. I dressed up as a pirate, went to the party, and found one other person dressed as a pirate.
We started talking.
We went out to a dinner together at my college, Hertford College.
Hertford College’s most famous alum is John Donne, the metaphysical poet, and his portrait has pride of place in Hertford’s dining room.
Marcella was writing her PhD thesis on John Donne.
6 weeks later, we were living together.
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Marcella meantime had an equally moments-of-destiny journey.
After being a photographer, carpenter, filing clerk, pharmacists assistant and puppeteer, she ended up working in a library. Her lack of formal qualifications meant she could go no further – so at the age of 30 she figured out how to go to university, the plan being to get a Dip.Ed and become a teacher.
She did a BA in English, and loved it.
She did a Masters degree, and remained equally passionate.
Her mentor and professor, suggested she do a PhD – and that if she was going to do it, “go big” and apply for the major universities. She applied to Harvard, Cambridge and Oxford, and heard back from just one of them – Oxford.
And so, at the age of 36, she reinvented her life, sold up everything she owned, and came to Oxford – and specifically Merton College.
And she came dressed as a pirate to a Halloween party.
I love the thought that we are masters of our own destiny, and I do think we shape our lives by the choices we make. And it’s impossible to deny that there are moments of destiny time and time again when you take the road less (or more) travelled – and it makes all the difference.
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I love you Marcella
Congratulations to both of you!
This is a great and very personal post which reinforces both the random nature of our lives (do I go left or right?) and the metaphysical forces that create moments from that randomness.
Enjoy your anniversary.
John
This is the sweetest story! I love how you could explain all of the important parts in such a short and concise blog. I envy your writing style (and your marriage!) I hope you two live happily forever!
Oh my gosh, sweetie, this is the best story – even though you’ve told me in person. It made me cry and made me aware – yet again – of what an amazing blend of smart and big heart you are – happy 17 years!
Thanks, Jen. It is a cool story isn’t it… and even better from the inside!
Thank you Chantelle – your kind wishes are much appreciated!
John – thank you, we did enjoy our anniversary.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful story with us, Michael. And thanks for the reminder about synchronicity, the power of belief and determination.
Michael thank you for telling this story and reminding us of how fate and free will mate. Avast, ye mateys!!
What a lovely story. Congratulations on your long and happy marriage. My husband and I have a surprisingly similar story (meeting at a college both were unlikely to attend) and have been married for 25 years.
What a touching story! Congratulations you two. Another great example of a phenomenon ever at work in my own life “There are no accidents, only lessons and miracles waiting to happen.” Thank you for sharing yours.
That is so damn touching! You know, I never thought about how great halloween costumes can be for meeting “the one.” They’re like a GPS device.
What other night can you look around at strangers and instantly say, “Ick, tasteless douche” or “Now there’s an original/funny/sweet/like-minded person I should know”?
Of course, no costume broadcasts whether someone is ready to move in with you and share a life together. That’s some other kind of magic.
Thanks for the romantic post!
Thanks Laura, Cathy and Adine for the lovely comments. I love this story too…
Michael, you touched me with this story. Its so true not to be what others wishes us to be…Follow our path leads to our self mastery and fulfillment….
Keep up your good work.
Hub
Mauritius
One more thing, in our current world , perseverance in couple life is a luxurious thing, thanks for telling us that long couple life is possible even if we succeed in our professionnal life and travels a lot…
thanks for having models like that for starting couples!!!
Best wishes for this new Year 2010..
I’m a sucker for a great story. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Cathy ~