The Essential Coaching Skills series is first posted on the excellent Make Work Meaningful blog.
The Essential Coaching Skills series continues here every Wednesday.

Hear that?

As managers, we’ve all been taught the importance of active listening. I don’t mean to come across as cynical, but it often boils down to this:

• Look as though you care

• Nod your head a lot

• Make small grunting noises indicating encouragement

But you know the problem. At least some of the time, the wheel is spinning but the hamster is out to lunch.

What’s really going on is that you’re not listening to the person you’re coaching at all. This isn’t active listening. Rather, you’ve got a whole mini drama running along in your head, drowning out anything the other person is saying.

Any of this inner monologue sound familiar?

• I know what they should do .I just need to find the right moment to interrupt

• Why are we having this conversation? I don’t know what I should be saying.

• This is great. I really look like I’m listening to them.

• How do I stop this so I can get on with my own work?

• Ooh – I know what question I should ask. Hurry up, so I can ask my question.

Don’t be ready with your coaching question

Part of the pressure comes from feeling like we need to have a question (or advice) ready to go as soon as the person stops speaking.

Actually, you’re allowed to have a pause before you ask a question. And in fact, you’ll find that if you take a moment or two to find the best question to ask after they’ve stopped speaking and then ask it, you’ll sound smarter and wiser that if you just blurted out something right away.

Your coaching action

Notice how your inner voice is getting in the way of you really listening to the person talking. Abandon the need to have a question ready right away, and you’ll find that you can really pay attention to what they’re saying. When they’ve stopped – and only then – take a breath and then ask the question.

Additional reading

Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott [aff link]. An excellent, thoughtful book on what it takes to have genuine and courageous conversations in the workplace. It’s not all about listening of course, although Tom Peters does say (often) that listening is the greatest act of leadership and respect one can embody.

If you enjoyed this post, you'll also like:

1. Essential Coaching Skills for Managers #5: 7 Core Coaching Questions (2)
2. Essential Coaching Skills for Managers #1: Getting Started
3. Essential Coaching Skills for Managers #3: 7 Core Coaching Questions (1)
4. Essential Coaching Skills for Managers #2: Advice is overrated
5. Should you have a ‘coaching culture’ in your organization? (I say No!)

Tags: active listening, coaching for managers, essential coaching skills for managers, listening skills

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