The Great Decide

Have you come to a fork in the road? Marie-Lynn Hammond explores the fine art of decision-making and how to make the process easier. Reprinted from New Outlook Magazine.

I was facing a huge dilemma: my Victorian house was crumbling, my car was dying and bills were mounting. The choice was to remortgage or sell the house in the Toronto neighbourhood where I'd lived for 35 years and purchase a cheaper home in a small town where I knew no one. Since I'm the kind of person who can agonize endlessly over whether to buy the organic wheat crackers or the low-fat sesame ones, it's no wonder this enormous decision was leaving me paralyzed and sleepless.

Life, for most of us, consists of countless daily choices, ranging from the inconsequential to the weighty-grey jacket vs. navy, Chevy vs. Toyota, family home vs. retirement villa. So why do some people have more trouble than others when coming to a decision? And are there ways to make the whole process less stressful?

Three years ago, Kevin Callaghan, 56, faced his own crisis. A teacher and university adviser at a private school in Montreal, he loved his job. But a new management team began to interfere with his work, making it less rewarding and interesting. His options: to "trudge along with my heart not in it" for four more years until his pension kicked in; work for just two more years and sacrifice a bit of pension; or sacrifice 20 percent of his pension and quit right then. To leave his job suddenly would mean a new life-what would he do? Although he had outside interests, "I'm a cautious person," he notes. "I mean, I had worked there for 32 years." He wondered whether he'd be comfortable on a smaller income and spent months wrestling with his predicament.

Calling the Shots

Does age play a factor in decision-making? Were Callaghan and I having trouble because we're older in years? Toronto's Michael Bungay Stanier, a life skills coach, organizational consultant and trainer, doesn't think so. "People are just wired to make decisions in different ways," says Bungay Stanier, who was recently named Canadian Coach of the Year by CoachesCanada.com, a professional organization committed to furthering the coaching profession. "Some like to keep their options open until the last minute, others like to make decisions quickly and in the moment." Ease in decision-making, he adds, "comes with habit and practice, which aren't age-related."

That's the good news. The bad news is that most of us don't spend much time thinking about the "habit and practice" of our decision-making skills, and few resources exist to help us. In my research, I found precious little (a life skills coach hadn't occurred to me then): there were few books, no magazine articles nor Undecideds Anonymous self-help groups.

In Callaghan's case, although he was inching closer towards early retirement, he still hadn't acted. Then, he recalls, "a couple of close colleagues died prematurely," and so he felt the need to act now, not later. Shortly after, he handed in his notice. "When external factors shift like this," remarks Bungay Stanier, "it can help you get clear on what exactly your criteria are and how you weigh them in terms of influencing your decision." As Callaghan puts it, "the pension fund was one thing, but, on the other hand, the clock was ticking."

In 2005, within months of retiring, Callaghan was faced with another big decision. While he was scouting for a place to settle in B.C., his 84-year-old widowed mother became ill and required surgery. Callaghan re-crossed the country to be with her in P.E.I. Her recovery has been complicated, so he has stayed on to care for her. That decision, he says, was not hard: "It's a matter of family responsibility, of giving back."

Finding Support

When decisions don't come easily, what can we do? Tell a friend, says Bungay Stanier. According to studies done by the American Society of Training and Development, a group dedicated to workplace learning, the likelihood of a decision being made (or a challenge being accomplished) increases from 40 to 95 percent if you tell someone else that you are going to do it and you set a date to report back to them. "It also helps if you can do a good job at weighing up the potential costs and potential benefits of making the decision," says Bungay Stanier.

Those strategies helped Janet Pringle, 61, of Calgary, when she had to make a major decision in 2002. A stay-at-home mother of three until her mid-40s, Pringle went back to school and graduated from university at age 50. She then got a job writing brochures for people with developmental disabilities. Eight years later, she found herself, like Callaghan, dealing with changes in her workplace so stressful that she began to consider quitting. "It was a very difficult decision," she says. "It was the only real job I'd had since.I was 20." Retirement, however, wasn't an option, and since Pringle suffers from fibromyalgia-a chronic disease characterized by pain and fatigue-chasing down a new job seemed daunting. The alternative, going freelance, terrified her: "I was never very good at selling myself."

Pringle spent half a year agonizing over her situation, drawing up her lists, weighing the insecurity of self-employment against the demoralizing atmosphere at work. During that time, she also met every weekend with a group of good friends for coffee. Although Pringle didn't know about setting a time limit, she says discussing the problem with them eventually accelerated her decision-making process: "I felt I either had to quit my job or stop whining." Her friends were unanimous in their support, which also helped give her courage to finally resign her position. "The first year of freelancing was awful," she says, "but things have picked up well. On balance, it's been a very positive decision."

Moving Forward

Myself? I eventually accepted that I had to relocate, but I barely knew where to start. How far from Toronto would I move? Which town would I go to? What kind of house would I buy? "You have to break the decision down into smaller steps," says Bungay Stanier, "otherwise you risk feeling overwhelmed." It took me three long years to muddle through, but I finally moved to Stouffville, ON., last fall. The new house is mortgage-free; I had money left over to buy a car, pay off my bills and top up my RRSP. When I get lonely, I'm only 45 minutes from my city friends. Despite the odd doubt, I think I did the right thing. As Janet Pringle sagely observes, "There are no perfect decisions, there are only better decisions." Now if I could just decide what colour to paint the kitchen.

Getting Unstuck

Can't decide? Can't act? Michael Bungay Stanier's Action Acceleration Sheet (download a free copy from http://www.getunstuckandgetgoing.com) may help, In brief, it asks:

1. What do you want to do?
2. What's your first step?
3. What might get In the way?
4. Who might help you?
5. Who will you tell?
6. When will you report back to that person on your progress?

For more information about New Outlook Magazine visit http://www.sears.ca/newoutlook

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