|
In This Issue: September 2006
... and congratulations to Patsy J. in Scotland, who last week
became our 15,000th subscriber – we've sent her a pack of
Eight Irresistible
Principles of Fun cards to celebrate.
My Fifth Birthday
 Today,
five years ago, I drove across the US/Canada border with
the intent of starting the next chapter of my itinerant
life in Toronto.
I think I can remember
it well. My
wife and I had had
tickets to fly out
of Boston three days
earlier, on September
11. For obvious
reasons, that didn't
happen.
But I remember clearly
watching the television,
endlessly; and then
trying to find alternative
ways of travelling
and hunting down
a rental car; the
ten hour wait to
cross the border;
the many questions
from the customs
officers and the
fear that, somehow,
we'd give the wrong
answer; and the first
night spent in a
damp and tired hotel
in Gananoque (the
location, as an aside,
of the Thousand Islands
memorialized in Thousand
Islands salad dressing).
But the truth is,
my memory of that
time is fundamentally
flawed. What
I remember is not
what happened – at
least, not exactly.
The way our brains
works means that
all of our memories
are deeply unreliable.
In this edition
of Outside the
Lines, I'm exploring
why we don't learn
from (some of) our
mistakes. (The answer
is because we often
misremember exactly
what those mistakes
are! But why?)
Know anyone else
who doesn't learn
from their mistakes?
Please forward Outside
the Lines (in
its entirety please)
to anyone you think
might be interested.
This community grows
with your help.
I'd be delighted if you should wish to
reprint (for free) any part of Outside
the Lines in your newsletters, websites,
and message boards.
Contact me at
michael@boxofcrayons.biz for
further details.
Michael
Bungay Stanier
Principal, Box of
Crayons
Don't Take My Word For It
Folks remembering their thoughts on memory:
"A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely
unhappen."
Edward de Bono, creativity guru
"Memory is quite central for me. Part of it is that I like the actual texture
of writing through memory."
Kazuo Ishiguro, writer
"A great memory is never made synonymous with wisdom, any more than a dictionary
would be called a treatise."
John Henry Newman, clergyman
"Memory is often less about the truth than about what we want it to be."
David Halberstam, journalist
"Yesterday's just a memory, tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be."
Bob Dylan
"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards."
Lewis Carroll, writer
Three Reasons Your Memory Is Wrong
When you conjure up a memory, what do you think happens in your
brain?
If you're like me, you think it's like some sort of fancy file
retrieval process. As the moment happens, we make a mental
snapshot and file it away.
And when we recall that memory our brain sorts through the filing
system and retrieves it. (And you can figure out for yourself
whether your filing system is either a fancy, up-to-date system
with neat labels and lots of manila folders, or a chaotic pile
of papers and lists).
Our memories are crack filler
Actually, according to the latest neuroscience research (and Daniel
Gilbert's book Stumbling on Happiness) that's not the way
it works.
The way memory is created is that the brain actually recalls just
one or two key elements from the moment, and then fills in the
gaps with current material. Imagine a wall full of holes, with
the brain using lots of crack filler. Or a few threads on
a loom, with the brain weaving in whatever recent stuff it can
find.
To show the unreliability of recall, Ulric Neisser of Cornell
University asked people for their memories the day after the space
shuttle Challenger exploded. Three years later he surveyed them
again, and about two-thirds were totally wrong about where they
heard the news, when, with whom and so on. And more tellingly,
they were totally confident that they could remember the details
correctly.
So what's going on? Why is our memory so slippery? Here
are four reasons.
What we recall
Our brain remembers certain elements of an event, and then reconstructs
it around those pillars. What those elements are then, is
critical. And they're not what you think they are.
1. Unusual trumps boring
What's easiest to recall is what is recalled. And what's
easiest to recall is what you've paid attention to.
Sometimes that reflects the way we've stored things – for
instance, we tend to"store" words by the first letter
they start with not, say, by the third letter. Which is why,
to use Gilbert's example, we tend to think there are more four-letter
words that start with the letter "k" than there are four-letter
words with "k" as the third letter (although the
reverse is actually true).
It's also true that infrequent or unusual experiences are most
memorable. So you remember peak or disastrous moments of
an experience, and they become the key elements of the memory – rather
than the more mundane and typical which is, literally, forgettable.
2. It's all about the ending
We're better at remembering endings than middles or beginnings – and
the ending colours the entire experience. So something can
be wonderful for the first 96% of the experience, but if the final
4% is awful, then we remember it as awful. The final 4% trumps
the first 96% ... unless you make a conscious effort to compare
the whole thing to the ending, in which case you recall its impact
in its entirety.
What we make up
Once the brain recalls those key elements, it then fleshes it
out, weaving the memory in the moment. One of those new pieces
is how we think we felt about it. Which is a problem.
3. Fleeting emotions
Various psychological experiments have shown that we're lousy
at remembering how we felt at any one time. We don't actually
remember. Rather, what we remember feeling is what we believe
we must have felt.
Our brain recalls facts, theories and patterns of the past event – and
then makes its best possible guess at how we were feeling. Even
if the theories have been shown to be erroneous – Gilbert
points to such urban myths about gender, such as men are less emotional
than women, or women are prone to negative emotions at certain
points of their menstrual cycle – our brains still alter
how we think we must have felt based on those myths.
What we make up about the past, we also project into the future.
For instance, we overestimate how happy we will feel on our birthdays,
and underestimate how happy we will feel on Monday mornings.
In short: whatever you thought you were feeling... well, you
probably weren't
SOMETHING TO PRACTICE
If you want others to remember something you've done, make sure you devote
time and effort into polishing up the ending. If you're making a presentation,
taking a vacation, giving a speech, writing an article – make sure that
they all end on a Bang!
If you want to remember things more completely, Ulric Neisser's research (referred
to in the main body of the article) suggests that telling stories – narrative – is
one of the brain's key strategies to help embed memories.
If you want to tell a more complete story, or just to better understand a
current situation, use this method from Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).
NLP practitioners say that to fully understand a situation, you must view it
from three different perspectives. This is particularly useful if another
person is involved.
The first perspective is a familiar one, your own point of view. Take
the time to tease apart four different things:
- the data (the facts and nothing but the facts)
- your judgements about the
situation
- how you're feeling
- what you want
(Typically, we tend to blend together data with judgment [and give it all
the weight of Truth], we don't fully acknowledge our feelings, and we certainly
don't get clear on what we want!)
The second perspective is to view the situation from the other person's point
of view, to"walk in their shoes". (And as above, reflect on
what they might consider to be the facts, what judgements they might have,
how they might be feeling – and also, what they might want).
The final perspective is a systemic one. Imagine yourself floating over
the whole situation, viewing it from an objective and complete point of view. What
do you notice here? What's new?
WANT TO LEARN MORE? HERE ARE SOME USEFUL RESOURCES
Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert. This is the main
source for the article. A brilliant, wise and funny book that talks about
the vagaries of memory – and what that means to our happiness. [ buy: US CA UK ]
Purple Cow, Seth Godin. Godin's argument supports
the first lesson – you've got to be different to be remembered.
In business, if you're not different… you're dead. [ buy: US
CA UK ]
An Alchemy of the Mind, Diane Ackerman. Following on from
her best-seller A Short History of the Senses, this poet takes
on some of the mysteries of the mind. The source of the Neisser
data. [ buy: US
CA
UK
]
NLP at Work, Sue Knight. A complete and practical
guide to various NLP tools and techniques. [ buy:
US
CA
UK ]
The Experts Speak: The Definitive Compendium
of Authoritative Misinformation, Christopher Gere. Pages
and pages of definitive statements – all of which are totally
off the mark. More about poor guesses about the future
than recalling the past, but hilarious none the less. [ buy:
US
UK ]
Comments? Feedback?
michael@boxofcrayons.biz
Market Place Products of the Month
This month, two terrific – and very different – products.
1. Money, Meaning and Beyond
If you are an entrepreneur – or have plans to be one sometime
down the line – then you should know about Andrea J. Lee.
She's one of the few people in this world who manage to combine
business smarts, a great sense of humour, a lack of hype and a
non-sleazy style... and put it together in a package that's
actually useful.
Her latest book is Money, Meaning and Beyond. It
contains 27 smart, practical and eloquent insights, tools and techniques
on how to do work that matters and make money while you're doing
it.
My favourite chapters (at least, at the moment) are: #9
Mad Science, #11 Gravy Pans, and #22 Does Your Sex Life Affect
Your Business.
You can pick up your copy here.
PS – If you want something even more thorough and complete,
check out the Pink Spoon Marketing course and workbook here.
PPS – Andrea's a friend, and I'm an affiliate for her products.
And I'm happy to tell you that, because I stand behind her and
everything I mention in my newsletters and my websites.
2. Destineering Retreat with Denise Mosawi and Michael Bungay
Stanier
Success has a price. Many of us have worked hard and achieved
much. But somewhere along the way, our bigger hopes and passions
have been put aside for professional success.
If you recognize that restlessness, then you'll welcome the Destineering experience, a search for the place where personal values, passion
and purpose intersect. In a place of stunning physical beauty,
terrific accommodation and great food, we'll be pursuing the search
for your own"a-ha!" moment.
I'll be lead facilitator for the inaugural Destineering retreat
at Brew Creek Lodge near Whistler in BC, November 17-19.
Destineering is offering readers of Outside the Lines a
substantial discount on an event that is already at an unrepeatable
price. There are less than 20 places left. Click
here to find out more or to register. Get additional details
about the retreat at
Destineering.com, in the PDF
brochure, or email Denise Mosawi
at
info@destineering.com with
OTL in the Subject Line.
What's up at Box of Crayons?
Box of Crayons works with organizations, teams and individuals
to help them move from doing Good Work to doing Great Work. My
team and I bring together experience and wisdom on organization
change, innovation, strategic planning and coaching. You
can find out more here.
Our own Great Work right now is helping companies take the power
of coaching deeper, wider and cost effectively into their organization.
We're using a combination of unique tools, a different approach
to training and wisdom about change to create the right approach
for a range of different organization cultures. If you're
curious and would like to learn more, drop me a line at michael@boxofcrayons.biz.
Got it Going On
I've had a rush of media coverage over the last couple of months. You
can see an article
about my executive coaching here.
October and November are busy months in my public speaking
schedule. I'm speaking in Calgary,
Toronto, Michigan, St Louis and Vancouver.
You can see
exactly where here
My next open Get Unstuck & Get Going teleforum
is on Wednesday, October 18 at 2pm
EST – you can register
here.
As you might be able to guess, I love to speak and run
workshops or teleforums for groups! Read more about the keynote
and workshop topics I
offer in this
PDF.
'The Scribbler'
Look for the next edition in your
Inbox on Thursday, September 28 with
guest writers Richard Winfield and
Sean Le Claire.
Michael Bungay Stanier is the Principal of Box of Crayons, a company
that works with organizations, teams and individuals to help them
move from doing Good Work to doing Great Work. He is the author
of Get
Unstuck & Get
Going ...on the stuff that matters, a
coaching program and tool endorsed by leaders in the coaching and
training professions, and creator of The
Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun, a movie that's taken the internet
by storm. He is the 2006 Canadian Coach of the Year. You can find
out more at www.boxofcrayons.biz or you can contact him directly
at Michael@boxofcrayons.biz or +1 (416) 532-1322.
To subscribe to Outside the Lines & The
Scribbler click
here. If you have any trouble accessing
the form, send an email to subs@BoxofCrayons.biz.
Outside the Lines is distributed on the
2nd Thursday of every month. The
Scribbler is distributed on the 4th Thursday of every
month. Your contact information is never
traded, never rented, never sold.
©Box of Crayons 2006. Box of
Crayons is a registered trading name of
Maida CC Inc.
*Outside the
Lines is read in at least 129 countries:
Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria,
Antarctica, Antigua and Barbuda, Argentina,
Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Bahrain,
Barbados, Belgium, Benin, Bermuda,
Bolivia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Botswana,
Bouvet Island, Brazil, British Virgin
Islands, Brunei, Bulgaria, Cameroon,
Canada, Chile, China, Colombia, Costa
Rica, Croatia, Cuba, Cyprus, Czech
Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Egypt,
El Salvador, England, Estonia, Ethiopia,
Falkland Islands, Fiji, Finland, France,
French Guiana, Germany, Ghana, Greece,
Guatemala, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland,
Isle of Man, India, Indonesia, Iran,
Iraq, Ireland, Isle of Man, Israel,
Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan, Kenya,
Kuwait, Latvia, Lebanon, Lithuania,
Luxembourg, Macau, Malawi, Malaysia,
Malta, Mauritius, Mexico, Montenegro,
Morocco, Namibia, Nepal,, Netherland
Antilles, Netherlands, New Zealand,
Nigeria, Northern Ireland, Norway,
Oman, Pakistan, Panama, Peru, Philippines,
Poland, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Qatar,
Romania, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Serbia,
Singapore, Slovak Republic, Slovenia,
South Africa, South Korea, Spain,
Sri Lanka, Sudan, Suriname, Sweden,
Switzerland, Taiwan, Tanzania, Thailand,
Trinidad and Tobago, Turkey, Uganda,
Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, United
States, Uruguay, US Virgin Islands,
Uzbekistan, Venezuela, Vietnam, Wales,
Yemen, Yugoslavia, Zambia, and Zimbabwe!
Did
I miss your country? Let me know!
|
