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In This Issue: May '04
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Welcome - and thank you for reading 
the first Outside the Lines. It's a monthly
dose of creativity and wisdom, where I'll
share with you some of the insights and
tools I've collected over the years. You're
receiving this today because at some time
I've had the pleasure of meeting you.
If
you'd like to receive further editions of
Outside the Lines, then please sign up at
the link below. As a thank you, I'll donate
10 cents for every subscriber to Nature
Conservancy Canada.
Michael Bungay Stanier
Principal, Box of Crayons
Yogi Berra - Principles of Fun
Yogi Berra was a baseball player for the New York Yankees in the 1940s and 1950s. He was also the inspiration for the cartoon character Yogi Bear, not least because of his ability to come up with mind-bending one-liners. Here's one I love:
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it"
As a thank you for receiving Outside the Lines, you can download The Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun until the end of May for free by clicking on the link below (there's even a Yogi Berra quote in there somewhere!)
Playing the Victim
One of the things that stops people making
good choices is that they end up playing
roles when they're interacting with others.
If you're in a role, you can feel yourself
falling back into ways of behaving that
you don't really like - but somehow you
do it anyway.
I want to tell you about three roles people
end up playing - Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer.
This is the Karpman drama triangle - when
you’re playing one role, you're in a "drama"
with someone who’s playing one of the other
roles.
These roles are hard to avoid. First, because
we've all been practicing the roles since
childhood and it is very easy to automatically
slip into them. And second, because they're
seductive - each role seems to have a short-term
pay off, even though in the long-term none
of them serve you. Most people have a "default
role"- the one they're most comfortable
playing (for me, it's the rescuer) - and
also a second role that they will commonly
switch to (for me, it's victim). The "left
over" role is the one people are most
afraid of, and the one they get most easily
manipulated by.
Which one strikes the strongest chord in
you?
VICTIM
Victims live in the "poor me" and "I can't
do anything about it" space. They feel powerless
and weak - and part of them loves that,
because it means that they don't have to
do anything. They feel persecuted and picked
on, which means they can feel like martyrs
and wallow in their suffering. For people
with differences, this can be a common role
to play. Victims attract rescuers and persecutors.
RESCUER
Rescuers jump into "let me help you" and
"I'll make it OK". They try and smooth everything
over and keep things calm, which means there's
no uncomfortable conflict. Doing all that
rescuing makes you feel good - all those
people really need you. They are often meddlers,
but justify it with their "good intentions."
Carers and parents of people with differences
can play this role. Rescuers love to save
victims.
PERSECUTOR
Persecutors love to waggle the finger -
"it's all your fault" and "you're no good,
stupid." They use orders and threats, and
often vent their anger - and of course they
have to do everything because no one else
is good enough to get it done. They use
anger and shame-and-blame as tactics to
stay in control. Persecutors love picking
on victims.
Knowing about this role-playing can be the
first step in breaking out of the "drama
triangle." The goal is to be authentic and
to chose how you want to be - in other words,
not to be reactive and get sucked into playing
a role that you don't really want to play.
Authenticity means getting clear about how
you want to be and as a result getting clear
about what you will say "yes" to and what
you will say "no" to... (and then, of course,
saying them!)
Whatever role you slip into most easily,
there are ways of stepping out of them:
* Victim: Begin problem solving. Understand
that there are options for you to choose
from
* Persecutor: Disengage! Step away from
situation, and let others sort it out
* Rescuer: Take no action until requested.
Don't be tempted to jump in and "just help
out"
Free Teleclass on May 19th: "Creativity
at Will"
I'm giving a free one-hour teleclass on
Creativity at Will on May 19 at 1pm EST
time (GMT -5 hours). Call in on +1 (702)
851-3330 pin 4260394 to learn about
* The Three Too Barriers:
The three barriers to being creative - and
how to break them wide open.
* The Make It! Creativity Principles:
The three root principles of creativity
to help you generate endless ideas.
The teleclass is sponsored by the Minnesota
Coaches Association - thank you for the
opportunity.
Michael Bungay Stanier is a certified coach,
consultant, trainer and speaker. He works
with people and teams so they have more
fun and create more impact. You can contact
him at Michael@BoxOfCrayons.biz or +1 (416)
532-1322.
Outside the Lines is distributed on the
2nd Thursday of every month. Subscribe at
www.boxofcrayons.biz. Your contact information
is never traded, never rented, never sold.
All writing (c) Box of Crayons 2004. Box
of Crayons is a registered trading name
of Maida CC Inc.
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