What are you holding on to?

I've been learning to swim recently. If you read my newsletter on having to be rescued from the middle of a lake during a triathlon (http://boxofcrayons.biz/otl14.html) you'll understand why. And my coach has had me focus on just one thing: relaxing.

Here's why. When I look at really great swimmers, they have a grace to their swimming that allows them glide through the water. Even though they're going twice as fast as I can swim, they are taking half the number of strokes to do it.

So I've been seeking the perfect balance in my swimming. How not to be so tense that I'm anxious and thrashing around with little effect. And how not to be so relaxed that I'm just floating (or slowly sinking!). And finding this balance - holding on to things neither too tightly or too loosely - is a question I'm looking at in this newsletter (not to mention in my life as well).

Know anyone who's who's holding on too tight? Please forward Outside the Lines (in its entirety please) to anyone you think might be interested. This community grows with your help.

I'd be delighted if you should wish to reprint (for free) any part of Outside the Lines in your newsletters, websites, and message boards. Contact me at Michael@BoxOfCrayons.biz for further details.

Michael Bungay Stanier
Principal, Box of Crayons

Good for today only - free teleclass on Get Unstuck & Get Going

Mike J of Leadership University has invited me to give a teleclass on Get Unstuck & Get Going. The class is today (Thursday 13th) at 7:30pm North American Eastern Standard Time. We'll cover:

• The difference between Good Work and Great Work
• What keeps people stuck and prevents them from doing work that matters
• Three powerful sources for generating new ideas and possibilities
• The secret to doubling the likelihood of getting things done

By the end of this session you'll have clarity - a commitment to take action - on something that you want to do.

You're welcome to come to the call as my guest. Register here: www.leadu.com/getunstuck

The call-in details are: +1 (323) 785-4156, access code: 64424 (you pay only for any long-distance charges incurred).

Leadership University offers a bunch of other interesting teleclasses, some free and some at cost. You can review the class calendar at www.teledevelop.com.

Having been denied my chance to shine on stage, I was determined not to fail at this new role. And so, to make sure the thin cord wouldn't slip out of my nervous and slightly sweaty grip, I wound it tight around my hand and waited to be given the nod. The opening music started. I tensed in anticipation. My teacher looked at me and gave me the signal. With all my might, I pulled hard to open the curtains.

My hand - still wrapped tightly in the cord - shot up in the air, leaving me hanging suspended an inch above the floor and unable to do anything but swing in the air. Meantime, the curtains had opened about a foot... and they stayed that way until another teacher came to my rescue, unwrapped me and set me down.

Even now that story serves as a useful reminder about the cost of holding on too tightly to things. Here are places you might look for things you're holding on too:

• Stuff in your life. What's on your shelves gathering dust? What's in your closet?
• People in your life. I've come to realise that some friendships have a natural arc to them, and there comes a time when they'll stop being part of my life.
• Dreams in your life. A conversation with an old friend reminded me how easy it is to still be holding on to a goal that you've set years ago, without ever asking "does striving after this goal still serve me"
• Expectations on "how you should be" in your life. Any of these stories sound familiar? "I need to be the provider, the carer, the never-get-angry, the wise person, the responsible one." Sometimes these roles stop serving us, and become manacles.
  

SOMETHING TO PRACTICE

Think of a challenge you're facing right now, something you'd like to get unstuck on.

What would it be to tighten up on this? How can you hold it closer and tighter and really get a firm grip on it? How will that serve you?

What would it be to relax about this? How you can put some of the burden aside, let it go, manage a "graceful exit"? How will that serve you?

You can download the Action Acceleration Sheet for free at www.GetUnstuckAndGetGoing.com/pdf/ActionAccelerationSheet.pdf - use it as your worksheet, and move from stuck to action.

WANT TO LEARN MORE? HERE ARE SOME USEFUL RESOURCES

Peter Block, The Answer to How is Yes. Another wonderful book by Peter Block. He points to our tendency to "rush right in" and focus on the doing; without stopping and asking about what it is we should be doing (buy: Canada  US  UK)

Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In particular, the first habit, and the circles of control and influence. It's an oldie, but it's really a goodie! (buy: Canada  US  UK)

Michael Neill's most recent MNCT newsletter. Michael talks about The Golden Rule of Goal Getting, and he points to "premature practicality" (again, that rushing into action rather than relaxing and holding open space for bigger dreams).

John Bowlby's Attachment and Loss series (three volumes: Attachment, Separation, Loss). Bowlby was a consultant psychiatrist at the Tavistock Clinic in London. This is a much respected source around this topic - and as a "heads up", note that this isn't light reading. (buy: Canada  US)


Comments? Feedback?
Michael@BoxOfCrayons.biz

I'm offering a monthly prize for the best photograph of Get Unstuck & Get Going in an exotic location. Last month it was Ric in Iraq. This month the prize goes to Chris Dunmire and his special friends in Chicago's Millennial park.

Submit your photo to Michael@BoxOfCrayons.biz to be in the running for next month's competition.

Meantime, Get Unstuck & Get Going continues to be snapped up by people all over the world. This month the "possibility virus" has spread to Bahrain, Switzerland, Malaysia and New Zealand. Check out www.GetUnstuckAndGetGoing.com to see what all the fuss is about.

Tom Heck & Teach Me Teamwork (www.TeachMeTeamwork.com)
Tom's website is an incredibly rich source of goodies for anyone involved in working with teams. Check out his blog, and listen to my conversation with him about the drama triangle, a coach-approach to teams and how to get them unstuck.

Richard Winfield and The Brefi Group (www.brefigroup.co.uk)
Richard is based in Birmingham in the UK, and is focused on change in organizations through coaching and consulting. We had a lively conversation about what it means to be doing Great Work, and what coaching 2.0 might be.

Michael Neill and Genius Catalyst (www.geniuscatalyst.com)
Michael hosts a regular show on Healthy Life internet radio. We talked about what getting unstuck feels like "in your bones", John Kotter's eight-stage process for major change, and what the American Society of Training and Development suggest to double the likelihood you'll get something done. I'll be posting this show in my archives in the next week or so at www.boxofcrayons.biz/articles.shtml and www.getunstuckandgetgoing.com/press.php.

I'll also be speaking at a number of upcoming conferences and teleforums. Here are some dates to put in your calendar.

Get Unstuck & Get Going free teleclass. Tuesday October 25, 3pm EST. Hosted by Marcy Nelson-Garrison of www.coachingtoys.com.

The Wow Factor: Creating Your Own Coaching Products for Greater Visibility, Impact and Profit, International Coach Federation conference, November 9-12, San Jose. On Thursday afternoon I'll be facilitating a hot-shot panel of experts who have a great deal of experience in creating real, honest-to-goodness products. If you're a coach looking to generate passive income, then this is for you.

OD Network Conference, Minneapolis November 14 - 16. I'll be an exhibitor at this great conference featuring, among others, Peter Block. Pop by and say hello if you're in the area.

As you might be able to guess, I love to speak or run workshops for groups! Please get in touch if you think I might be able to serve you or your organization as a professional keynote speaker.

To subscr.be to Outside the Lines click here. If you have any trouble accessing this link send a blank email to subs@BoxofCrayons.biz.

Outside the Lines is distributed on the 2nd Thursday of every month. Your contact information is never traded, never rented, never sold.

©Box of Crayons 2004-2005. Box of Crayons is a registered trading name of Maida CC Inc.


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