In This Issue: Oct. '04
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I
once read a terrific description of what you hear when you're
looking for a job: no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, yes.
I mention that, because much of this month's
newsletter is devoted to the rare art of
being able to say No. Two things lie at
the heart of an authentic and fulfilling
life. First, a vision of what that authentic
life might be. Second (and to paraphrase
Michelangelo) a willingness to carve away
anything that doesn't look like that vision.
In other words, you must have the courage
to say No to anything that doesn't take
you closer to your vision.
(Know anyone who has trouble saying No?
Would they enjoy Outside the Lines?
Please forward this (in its entirety please,
using the link at the end of the newsletter)
to anyone else you think might be interested.
This community grows with your help. As
a thank you, I'll donate 10 cents for every
subscriber to The Nature Conservancy Canada.
You can check out the great work they do
at www.natureconservancy.ca.)
Michael Bungay Stanier
Principal, Box of Crayons
No!
Don't we just live in a "yes yes yes"
world? Do this, do that. Get more of this,
more of that. Don't stop, keep going. Take
on that next challenge, finish this project
rush to that next meeting, find that next
client.
I think almost all of us have a chronic
case of yes-itis. Do you feel stretched
to thin, busier than ever, and over-committed?
You're not alone.
I suspect there are two types of Yes's that
contribute to this sense of global exhaustion.
The first Yes is based in fear - or rather,
scarcity. A Scarcity Mindset believes "there's
not enough, and things will run out."
It keeps people holding on to what they've
got, unwilling to move and unwilling to
give.
In its shadow lurks catastrophe, which often
sounds something like this: If I leave this
job, I may never get another job, then my
wife and kids will leave me, I'll fall into
poverty, start drinking, end up on the streets
and be dead by the time I'm 40. (The opposite
of this is the Abundance Mindset. More on
that below in the second article).
The second Yes is based in success-addiction.
I recently heard Marshall Goldsmith, the
premier executive coach in the world, say
"successful people tend to chronically
over-commit." This need to say Yes
is all about an insatiable appetite for
more.
There's a different, and perhaps more subtle
type of catastrophe in the shadows here:
If I don't say yes to this project now,
they may never ask me again, and people
will stop knowing who I am, and I'll have
to stop finding meaning in being busy, then
I'll have to think about what's actually
important to me ... and I won't know, and
then my wife and kids will leave me because
I'm a boring empty shell, I'll start drinking,
end up on the streets and be dead by the
time I'm 40.
And just as there are two types of Yes's,
I think there are two types of No's.
The first is a Gremlin-fuelled No. That
inner-critic that whispers "you can't
do that because... you've tried it before
and failed, it's too hard for you, you're
not good enough to do this" and so
on. It's actually the flip-side of the same
Gremlin that fuels much of the "yes-saying"
that I've already mentioned. I've spoken
about the Gremlin before, and you can check
out the August
edition to refresh your memory.
The second No is "I can do this - and
choose not to." This is both powerful
and difficult. It gets to the heart of what
makes a fulfilled life: knowing what the
important stuff is, and choosing to do that
and not the other stuff. I've become particularly
conscious of this over the last two months.
In order to finish my book (and more of
that in future Outside the Lines),
I've been practicing this type of No: no
to consulting work that I've wanted to do,
no to coaching clients, no to the various
coffees I have with people under the guise
of networking (my networking rule, by the
way, is "if they make me think and
make me laugh, I'll have coffee with them."
It's a great way to keep working with terrific
people).
Here are four things I've learned about
this type of No.
| • |
To
say this No, you need to be clear on
what is important to you. |
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Saying
No is part of the process of articulating
what's important. Until you've said
this No, you can't really say what's
important to you. |
| • |
The
first time you say it, it feels like
you're going to explode, so tempting
is it to say Yes instead. |
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This
No drives abundance. You become more
attractive and more compelling. You
are more clearly in focus for the world
to see. |
Action:
| • |
If,
in a blink of an eye, you were suddenly
financially independent and could do
what was most important to you - the
stuff that honoured your values and
your skills and your passion - what
would that be? |
| • |
What's
the first No you need to say to move
towards that today? |
Creativity
Camp
I'm the opening presenter at the Creativity
Camp on October 27th at the Drake Hotel
in Toronto. It's going to be a fun and challenging
day. To set the day up, we'll be working
with some concepts of Joseph Campbell's
The
Hero's Journey so that your
own journey is powerful and unforgettable.
My fellow presenters include the President
of the Toronto Argonauts and Diana Bishop,
one of Canada's leading news reporters.
Ian Hardy regularly runs this experiential
day-long workshop with a range of amazing
guests to help unleash participants' creativity.
You can find out more (and book your space)
at www.creativitycamp.ca.
Yes!
I mentioned the Abundance Mindset in the
article above. Consider this a footnote.
The basis for the Abundance Mindset is that
"there's more than enough, and I will
always be able to generate and attract what
I need." It's not about hanging out
and waiting for what you want with a sense
of entitlement. But it is about knowing
that, with your commitment and engagement,
you can create what you want for yourself.
A brilliant example of this for me is a
client of mine who emailed me last week
with a success story. She's in the food
business, and for a number of years had
been unfulfilled in her job as a manager
in a catering company. We worked together
on defining an awesome job and on building
up her energy reserves - of money, of friends,
of self-esteem, of skills. Sure enough,
after leaving her job and enduring almost
six months of unemployment, she has just
landed a brilliant job - more money, less
travel, and work she loves with one of the
most progressive employers in North America.
Hurrah!
A lovely piece about living in a place of
Abundance is Thomas Leonard's 28
Principles of Attraction, which
you can download for free at: http://www.thomasleonard.com/44attractionpdf.pdf.
Action:
| • |
Where
will you bring an Abundance Mindset
into your life? What will be different? |
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What
will you do now? |
Branding - the art of saying no
One
perspective on branding that is rarely discussed
is this: it's about encouraging No's. Of
course you create a brand to be more attractive
to your target market. But, just as the
back of the hand follows the front of the
hand, it is equally important for you to
be bold about saying No to those who are
not right for your brand. And this is where
so many brands fall down. They secretly
want the whole world to love them... and
in doing so, stand for nothing.
I'm delighted to be able to share with you
the second part of my series of articles
on branding. This series appeared in Choice
magazine and was co-written with Rosemary
Davies-Jane of Miboso. You can download
a pdf of the article at www.boxofcrayons.biz/brandingfusion.pdf
And on November 4-6, I'll be presenting
a workshop on branding - The Branding
Point. The Fusion of Passion (Yours) and
Desire (Theirs) - with Rosemary
at the ICF International Conference in Quebec
City. We're just one of many excellent presentations
- so please consider attending. Information
about the ICF Conference is at www.coachfederation.org.
Subscribe to Choice magazine
at www.choice-online.com
Can
I interest you in this?
Selling. Most of us have to do it one way
or the other, whether it be our formal job
or whether it's just the way we get things
done. Many of the entrepreneurs I work with
fear it - the dread of "cold call",
the fear of rejection, the awkwardness about
money. Nicki Weiss is a coach who works
with sales managers who are ready to become
great sales coaches so their teams can flourish
and excel, and everyone's life and work
is made simpler. One thing she's helped
make clear to me is the difference between
selling (I want it/don't want it) and negotiating
(how much I'll pay for it). People often
collapse the two concepts, to their detriment.
Nicki has a teleseminar about to start on
the "The 6 Steps You Need To
Know To Become A Great Sales Manager".
Her free monthly newsletter, Something
for Nothing addresses issues such
as being an effective leader using a coach
approach, and encourages graceful and creative
responses to opportunity and transition.
I'd encourage you to sign up - you can check
it out at www.nickiweiss.com.
See anything
you want to read?
Buying the books mentioned in this newsletter
through the Amazon affiliate program helps
support Outside the Lines.
Michael Bungay Stanier is a certified coach,
consultant, trainer and speaker. He works
with people, teams and organizations to
step forward into possibilities, so that
they have more impact and have more fun.
You can find out all about it at www.boxofcrayons.biz
or you can just contact him directly at
Michael@BoxOfCrayons.biz
or +1 (416) 532-1322.
Outside the Lines is distributed
on the 2nd Thursday of every month. Subscribe
at www.boxofcrayons.biz.
Your contact information is never traded,
never rented, never sold.
All writing (c) Box of Crayons 2004. Box
of Crayons is a registered trading name
of Maida CC Inc.
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