In This Issue: March 2006

We all know asking for help can be a good thing – but why is it so difficult to do? Here are five points of uncertainty that get in our way – and the questions that will open up some possibilities and get you unstuck.

• What do anxiety, mobility and nostalgia have in common? They're three of the ten trends Richard Watson says are shaping our lives in "The future is already here ... it's just unevenly distributed."
• What does success mean to women ... and how is it different from what it means to men? Pollyanna Lenkic explores what's up in "Women & Success: 'This isn't a chick thing'"
• Who's Outside the Lines' 10,000th subscriber?
• "What's going on": Michael's speaking schedule

Introducing my guest writers

Every month in The Scribbler I feature two hand-selected articles from writers and thinkers I admire. The articles have a common theme in that they offer insights and tools to help you live a better life. You get a few paragraphs of each of my guest authors' articles, and the link if you'd like to read more.

This month, I'm introducing a couple of folks from my home country, Australia.

Richard Watson writes a terrific subscription report, What's Next, in which he draws on an enormously wide range of sources to get a sense of what's evolving and emerging in this wild and crazy world. In this month's The Scribbler, he's offering you his latest report where he points to (amongst other things) Anxiety, Mobility and Nostalgia as key trends for 2006 – not to mention the rise of the BRIC countries and why sleep is the new sex. What's happening and will happen in our world will amaze you, and Richard's tracking it.

Pollyanna Lenkic created and sold a highly successful IT company in the UK, before moving back to her native Australia and establishing herself on the leading edge of working with women leaders. She's recently completed a report on women and success.  Success means different things to different genders – so if you're either a man or a woman, you should check this article out.

Michael's quick scribble: Why is it so difficult to ask for help?

One of the ways I've been described is a "solo-preneur". When I first heard the term, I loved the title: I had visions of myself striding into the business jungle, machete in hand, the noble hero cutting a path through impenetrable undergrowth and finding the source of the Nile or the business equivalent of such a prize...

Now I realize there's an inherent flaw tangled up in that description: it's impossible to be successful by yourself. Even though our culture tends to celebrate the individual – in recent weeks we've had the Winter Olympics and the Oscars, both events primarily focused on solo success – the truth is no one does it by themselves.

I know that I'm an on-going victim of this "Superman Syndrome", and recently I've been asking myself why I find it hard to ask for help. Here are five points of uncertainty that I've found, the drivers behind them, and the powerful questions that can open things up:

I don't know what to ask for

• I don't know what success is for this project
• If you "fast forward" 30 days, what would success look like?
• If you "fast forward" 90 days, what would success look like?
• I don't know what my "genius work" looks like
• What, for this project, can you and you alone do?
• What's left?

I do know what to ask for, I just don't want to ask

• I don't want to lose control.
• What don't you trust about others?
• What don't you trust about yourself?
• What's the price you pay for keeping control?
• I want all the credit.
• What's the cost of taking all the credit?
• I like the struggle.
• How does being in 'the struggle' reinforce your self image?
• How is it a comfort zone for you?
• What's the cost of continuing to struggle?

I do know what to ask for, I don't know who to ask

• I don't know how to start
• Who do you know?
• Who do they know?
• I don't know what to say?
• What's the simplest thing to say?
• What would you say if you had no fear?

I do know who to ask, I'm afraid that they'll say no

• I'm afraid of rejection
• When someone says no, what do you think that says about you?
• Is that true?
• What are reasons, other than they don't like you, that are behind that no?
• When someone asks you for help, what do you typically do?

I do know who to ask, I'm afraid that they'll say yes

• I'm afraid that I'm imposing on them
• How are you protecting them?
• What's the lie here?
• I'm afraid I'll be obligated
• What might you owe?
• What if "obligated" was reframed as creating a relationship with someone"?
• I'm afraid of being successful
• What does success look like?
• What are you afraid of?
• What's the cost of "playing small"?

"Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being
something helpless that wants help from us."
Rainer Maria Rilke

Two other perspectives on this:

• Ben Dean, the founder of Mentor Coach, shares a way of accessing your social network (one of the key indicators of happiness)
• Molly Gordon of Shaboom! talks about discovering a new and unexpected source of support, "an adventure for someone who's been chronically self-sufficient"

If you need further help, download the Action Acceleration Sheet. You'll see that it offers a process to help you move from stuck to unstuck – and one of the steps of the process is asking "what support do I need?"

(Thanks to Sue Edwards of Development by Design for the initial spark of inspiration for this article)

The possibility virus

My mission is "to infect a billion people with the possibility virus." I believe people get stuck when they can only see one way of looking at a situation – and they don't like what they see. If they can generate possibilities, then they have choice. And if they have choice, they have the freedom and responsibility to shape their own lives. So I want people to know how to generate possibilities.

So let me practice what I preached in the previous article, and ask for your help in infecting those billion people.

Here are two things that you could do:

• Watch the Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun movie – and if you like it, send it on to five others who might enjoy it also.
• Forward this newsletter on to anyone you think would get something out of it.

"The future is already here … it's just unevenly distributed."* by Richard Watson

Where are we all heading? It's usually easier to make predictions about the distant future than next month or next year because it usually takes time for patterns to emerge or for new ideas to replace old ones. For example, hydrogen fuel cells in cars are coming but nobody is quite sure when yet.

For this reason 2006+ Ten Trends looks back at some of the new trends and ideas that have already happened that should influence our future. Of course, this is a bit dangerous because the future is never entirely a linear extension of the past. But it's better than not thinking about the future at all.

Hard copies of the publication can be bought online at www.nowandnext.com but friends of Michael and Box of Crayons can download a soft copy (PDF) free of charge by clicking on this link.

*William Gibson

Outside the Lines' 10,000th subscriber

Congratulations to Maggie of the Philippines. We're thrilled to welcome her as the 10,000th subscriber to Outside the Lines. As a welcome present, we've sent Maggie a collection of our products – a copy of Get Unstuck & Get Going, a pad of the Action Acceleration Sheets, a set of the Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun card set and a CD of the movie.

(For those interested in numbers, we have 4,817 readers from the United States, 1,757 from Canada, 967 from the United Kingdom, 407 from Australia, 212 from India – and the balance coming from 110 other countries).

Success & women: "This isn't a chick thing!" by Pollyanna Lenkic

November 2000 was the best of times and the worst of times. I had just sold my first company, and had by any number of measures reached a pinnacle of success. And yet at the same time, I was burnt out and my self esteem was at an all time low.

In this curious place, I was celebrating the sale of my company with some female friends ALL of whom were incredibly successful. As the evening wore on, I became increasingly conscious of two themes that kept bubbling to the surface.

1. None of us seated at the table owned their accomplishments
2. We were unclear about what success really meant to us, how we defined ourselves through success.

As I recently explained to a CEO of an organization: "this isn't a chick thing!" Anyone who is in relationship with women – professionally or personally – needs to develop an understanding of how women view success.

What's going on?

In the coming months I'm speaking in person in Bahrain, Markham, Connecticut, New York, Portland and Prague, and holding my usual "international" teleforum. You can find the details here.

My next open Get Unstuck & Get Going teleforum is on Wednesday April 19 at 2pm EST – register by sending an email to admin@boxofcrayons.biz.

As you might be able to guess, I love to speak or run workshops for groups! Read more about the keynote and workshop topics I offer in this PDF.

Michael Bungay Stanier helps people, teams and organizations to get unstuck and get going on the stuff that matters. He is the author of Get Unstuck & Get Going ...on the stuff that matters, a self-coaching tool endorsed by leaders in the coaching and training professions, and creator of The Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun, a Flash movie that's taken the internet by storm. He is the 2006 Canadian Coach of the Year. You can find out more at www.boxofcrayons.biz or you can contact him directly at michael@boxofcrayons.biz or +1 (416) 532-1322.

To subscribe to Outside the Lines & The Scribbler click here. If you have any trouble accessing the form, send an email to subs@boxofcrayons.biz.

Outside the Lines is distributed on the 2nd Thursday of every month. The Scribbler is distributed on the 4th Thursday of every month. Your contact information is never traded, never rented, never sold.

©Box of Crayons 2006. Box of Crayons is a registered trading name of Maida CC Inc.

*Outside the Lines/The Scribbler is Read in at least 115 countries:
Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Antarctica, Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Bahrain, Belgium, Benin, Bermuda, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Botswana, Bouvet Island, Brazil, British Virgin Islands, Brunei, Bulgaria, Cambodia, Cameroon, Canada, Chile, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Croatia, Cuba, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, El Salvador, England, Estonia, Ethiopia, Fiji, Finland, France, French Guiana, Germany, Ghana, Greece, Guatemala, Hong Kong, Iceland, Isle of Man, India, Indonesia, Iran, Ireland, Isle of Man, Israel, Italy, Japan, Jamaica, Jordan, Kenya, Korea, Kuwait, Lebanon, Lithuania, Macau, Malawi, Malaysia, Malta, Mauritius, Mexico, Morocco, Namibia, Nepal, Netherlands, Netherland Antilles, New Zealand, Nigeria, Northern Ireland, Norway, Oman, Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Qatar, Romania, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Serbia and Montenegro, Singapore, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Suriname, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Tanzania, Thailand, Trinidad and Tobago, Turkey, Uganda, Ukraine, United States, United Arab Emirates, Uruguay, US Virgin Islands, Uzbekistan, Venezuela, Wales, Yemen, and Yugoslavia, Zimbabwe !
Did I miss your country? Let me know!